We're All On a Journey of Some Sort or Another

While Alene and I were vacationing at Antioch Ranch in Mendocino,  I was reading in “Practicing the Way” by John Mark Comer. It’s a book about discipleship to Jesus; learning to be with Jesus, becoming like Jesus, and doing the things Jesus did. These are all life attributes that I am drawn to. 

Discipleship has been on my mind as of late. I feel like my relationship with Jesus isn’t what I wish it was; not as close, or intimate, or robust as I wish it were. I’ve felt as if I have somehow missed out on ‘Kingdom growth” or “Christian purpose” in my life that I could have been cultivating for years had I paid more attention to being a disciple of Christ. 

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in feeling this way. I’ve felt as if I’d been wasting time, or missing out on “growth opportunities” with Jesus. I’d try some new spiritual practice, hoping it would ignite a growth spurt in my discipleship, but most often I’d find myself disappointed with my lack of self-control, or perseverance, or “grit” required to make said practice stick. I’d find myself in the New Years Resolution Syndrome of promises made, promises broken by the end of January. 

Comer makes the point in his book (a point I’ve embraced for years, but for which Comer subtly reframes) that as humans, we are constantly undergoing “formation”, be it spiritual, communal, or societal. 

We are constantly told the right way to live, the best ways to joy and peace, the most efficient means of economics and the best way to security and safety. Since childhood, I’ve been influenced by parents, siblings, friends, schools, churches, television, advertising, books, newspapers (yes, I’m that old), politicians and a plethora of other influences that come in and out of my life, daily. I’ve had favorite authors, movies, and stories that have ignited my imagination. Music, art, mathematics, science and religion, have all helped shaped the ways I view, understand, and feel life. 

All of us, every single one without exception, from the lowliest to the greatest and most admired, have been “formed” into who we are by what we've lived, and by how we’ve let those experiences and influences shape our thoughts, desires, and actions.

In short, we’re all disciples in one way or another. We are all people who’ve been formed and molded by our culture and society. No one is “un-discipled”. No one is "un-influenced".

The question for the Christian (me, too) is, have we intentionally worked to form ourselves to be disciples of Jesus, to become more fully human, more grace-filled, merciful and loving, in the manner of Jesus? Not just “believers”, but “followers”, people who not only believe and have also chosen to be influenced and formed by the practices and ways of Jesus. Have we become doers and disciples of the Way? 

After all, discipleship is something we can choose. Most often we don’t “choose”, we just kind of go with the river we’re swimming in and go where it takes us, but we can “choose”. I believe that, once we become aware of the influences around us, we can begin to choose what influences we allow deeply into our lives and our minds. It takes practice and intention. I don’t have a handle on all of this yet, but that is what “following Jesus” is all about. Learning to follow the practices and ways of Jesus, in order to be formed more and more into “Christlikeness”, for our own good and for the good of our community and others. 

I’ve been struggling with that question of “am I a disciple of Jesus” for a long time. I’ve felt a discontent in my soul about how closely I’ve been “walking with Jesus”. I’ve felt like I haven’t been a good enough follower, a true disciple of Jesus, one who lets Jesus transform me into His likeness. 

It’s been kind of a depressing time, seeing as how I take seriously the quote by A.W Tozer, “the most important thing about us is what comes into our mind when we think about God”. 

But in reading “Practicing the Way”, I’ve come to the conclusion that, at sixty-two years old, I have had quite a journey of discipleship to Jesus, a “long and winding road”, beginning in my early childhood. I was constantly being formed by my life experience but much of the time I simply didn’t know it.

My parents were wonderful people. Christians both, deeply spiritual in their own faith, but not folks that carried their faith around on their sleeves like a talisman or a badge. They lived their faith in quiet ways of love and mercy and grace as parents to a rambunctious, often willful group of seven children. No matter what, there was always love in their home. Sure, there was discipline and impatience and occasional raised voices and all the rest, but all of it, to my memory, tempered by love and understanding, a true desire to guide us children in the ways that would benefit and be good for us. This foundation of love would be absolutely foundational to everything else in my life. Without it, my life would have been much different.  

I have snippets of memories as a child at First Baptist Church of Sacramento. I’m in Sunday School with other four-to-five-year-old’s, sitting in a half-circle on the carpeted floor, watching my teacher on a small chair with a children’s book about Jesus on her knees, reading the simple paragraphs on each page, then opening the book towards us children and showing us the illustrated drawings on the pages of the book. Those faithful and kind Sunday School teachers were among my very first rabbis, my first teachers of the Way, done in the simplistic manner a child could enjoy. They were my first rabbis in the way of Jesus’ love. 

Attending church was a part of the fabric of my childhood. As I grew into elementary school and further, I attended the Free Methodist Church of Sacramento, where much of my Christian foundation was laid. There was Sunday church and Wednesday night activities that I attended regularly. I have so many fond memories of learning songs during youth group, playing games, all of it sort of suffused with teachings from the Bible and stories of Jesus. I recognize now this was also a  foundational time in my Christian formation, where I learned the Bible stories and beginnings of Christian thinking that would last a lifetime. 

In high school, Wednesday night youth group took on a deeper seriousness for me. Our new youth pastor, a young recently married Christian college graduate, began a purposeful program of discipleship with our group. This was leading up the heyday of the “Jesus Movement” in the late 1970s. I remember he taught us to journal. The life of a teenager was no easier in the 1970s than it is today. Knowing that our youth pastor would read our journals, he asked us simply to journal about life, what we were feeling, our fears and joys, whatever we wanted to talk about. We’d turn them in and he’d make small notes in the margins, encouragements and observations, sometimes a prayer for us or a verse of scripture that may offer us something. Though hesitant at first, he gained my trust and became a true mentor, helping me to understand and navigate some of the pitfalls of being a teenager. The accountability and trustworthiness I found in him gave me an image of what it means to be trustworthy, to live a life with as much honesty and integrity as you can, knowing I’m not perfect and neither was he, but always with grace and kindness and compassion for one another. His influence was short, only two or three years at our church, but I learned so much from him. He was one of the first men I could say “I think I saw Jesus in him”. Mind you, he was just twenty-four or so when he started as our youth minister.  

But life was not to be a straight line of discipleship in The Way of Jesus. Although the things I’d learned in church, about love and kindness and compassion were never lost on me, they didn’t always have center-stage in my life. 

While in high school I discovered the burgeoning popularity of marijuana. Around 1978, I began hanging out with some more free-spirited kids at school, and found that checking out at the park after school was a pleasant distraction. It lasted until my parents got wise to my newfound habit, but that door had been opened, and new experiences continued to pour into my life. 

While being formed and discipled in the ways of Jesus at home and at church, there was a wider, wilder world opening up to a maturing young man that also held a fascination for me. A car brought previously unknown freedom, and a job brought previously unknown wages to finance that new freedom. New friends where I worked brought all sorts of new experiences and the girls in my life were no longer children (as I had been, too), but young women. I found myself (not consciously at the time, mind you, but in hindsight) conforming to this new world I was a part of, and I was enjoying it! Fooling the clerk at the AM-PM with a fake ID so I could buy beer at nineteen years old is a disturbingly fond memory of the time. Going out with friends, mostly leaving the church life behind, was a slow and inexorable movement. I wasn’t a bad kid by any means, but I was definitely being formed by what I let into my life. 

I was married at twenty, and as most young marriages go, there were times of great joy and happiness, and mountainous struggles to overcome. We had three beautiful girls that were and are a joy for us both. Church, as in attendance and belonging, wasn’t a big thing for us as a couple. I still had a fondness, and my wife was familiar with church but had a different experience in youth than I did. Eventually we both decided to attend a church for a while, which filled a space in my spirit that had been missing for a time, but that too eventually tapered off as the life of young parents took us elsewhere. 

But my faith and a feeling that I still loved Jesus and wanted to be a part of that life persisted with me, even if I tried hard to ignore it most of the time. The foundation I was given as a child still formed much of the foundation of my life, even as I tried to ignore it or run from it. This caused some dissention in our marriage, and some times of trying to reconcile my faith with my life as a father and a husband and my love for my wife. Trying to straddle two worlds never goes well. 

At one point while we were separated, living in separate homes, my eldest daughter was invited by a school friend to go to her church youth group one night. She went and enjoyed it. She kept going back, which made me quite happy. Then one day she suggested I should go to church too, because they had a church choir. Knowing my love of singing, she had me with that. This turned out to be one of the great inflection points in my life. I found at that church, First Baptist Church of Fair Oaks, a renewed love for Jesus, for the church, and an outlet for my suppressed longing to be a part of a Christian community. 

Eventually my wife and I divorced as amicably as one can. I continued at church, becoming active in choir, in studies, and eventually in facilitating and teaching Sunday School. Teaching became one of the great joys of my life, and I point to it as the season when the Bible began to open up to me, since teaching required a great deal of study. I sometimes refer to this time as my second “born again” experience, a time when Jesus and the Holy Spirit began to be real to me, not just abstract ideas.

At this same time, I’d been working as a 911-operator and telecommunicator for about 14 years. It’s a stressful job. I started in 1990, as a young twenty-six-year-old, and learned that the world is not as kind as I thought it was while growing up in a loving, safe home and environment. I found myself depressed and scared a lot of the time, looking over my shoulder in public, watching for the “bad-gay” who’d mind was set on havoc. People who called 911 or other lines became problems to solve, not people to listen to. We were taught a quasi-combative form of communication meant to allow operators to “take control” of the conversation and guide it how we needed it to go. For me, this began to de-humanize people, turning them from callers with real fears and difficulties, into customers to simply process and move on from. Seeing as how this was eight-to-ten hours a day, I was being formed at work into someone who lived and dealt with my community and family as if they were problems to dispassionately solve, not people to love. I didn’t like this about myself, and that had to change. 

Eventually, at the same time I was teaching Sunday School and learning so much about what the Bible teaches and how Jesus teaches his followers to live, I found myself being gentler and more compassionate with callers to 911 and other lines. I had learned that Jesus loves everyone with a fierce love, and began to feel like I should do that same. It wasn’t an instant change, but gradually the entire focus of my career as a 911 operator turned around. Each caller became someone to help, not a problem to solve. What I’d been learning and teaching at church I began to put into practice at work. I began to love callers and view them as beloved children of God. I found that if I treated callers with respect, and let them know that I hear what they are saying and understand, even while guiding conversations in a manner that let me get the information I needed, I received so much more cooperation than before. I found callers saying thank you for listening, thank you for being patient while I tried to explain myself, thank you for being kind.

I began to discover that the ways of Jesus have some real value in the real world. I began to discover maybe Jesus knew what he was talking about. 

At the same time, while studying the Bible for Sunday School, I began to see a vein of scripture that spoke to me of a truly loving God who wanted to save the entire world. This began my slow journey toward a Christian-Universalist point of view on the bible. 

This view went against everything I’d been taught in church to that point in my life, but to me was simply jumping off the pages of the Bible everywhere I looked. 

I tried hard to believe that God chose who were saved and who were not saved, which is what I was being taught at FBCFO. I tried hard to believe that I should be joyful that I found myself among the elect destined for glory, but began to worry about my children, who were becoming disillusioned with church and, much like I did, were discovering the wider world around them, and some of the “temptations” that brought. Were they still among the elect? Could I rejoice in heaven and enjoy eternal salvation if I somehow knew my own children were suffering in hell because they weren’t among “the chosen”?

Equally as important was the question, could I love a God who chose me, but not my children? Could I enjoy the glory of heaven if I knew my loved ones, my beloved children, were suffering for eternity in a hell created and sustained by a God who is supposed to love them?

That began a long journey of purposeful formation, of searching and looking for information. I needed to study and find a more comprehensible theology than what I’d be given. 

As I studied, I found in the pages of Paul's letter to the Romans a far more loving and saving God than I’d ever seen before in scripture. It was in the Apostle Paul’s writings to the Romans that I found the first kernels off a new thought that God truly loved his world, and Jesus truly was the savior of all people, everywhere. I believe this was an inspiration given to me by the Holy Spirit, and I soon found I was not alone in the world with this revelation. As I began looking, I found books upon books have been written about what is known by some as The Blessed Hope, the Reconciliation of All Things. Some might say they learned that “Love Wins”, as Rob Bell titled his seminal book which landed him in no end of trouble with traditionalist thinkers.

As my new ideas began to cause some concern at FBCFO, and around the time of the 2016 election, my current wife and I (who I met at FBCFO) began to feel a shift in our church community. It was subtle but real. We both still served and loved our community. My wife was a leader in the women’s ministries, organizing luncheons and times of fellowship. But those opportunities began to dwindle. We were increasingly uncomfortable, feeling like our beloved church had shifted under us, and after a time, we left FBCFO. 

As we left, some asked us, why have you left Jesus? Don’t you believe in God anymore? 

Well of course we believed in God still. We were just in search of a different community, grounded in Christ, where we would be accepted as we are. 

In time we found a new church home, Centerpoint Community Church. It’s a good church, a good community that serves and loves well. The basic theology of Centerpoint is no different than others churches I’ve attended, but the love and community is different. There is an acceptance of differences that I’ve not experienced at others churches I’ve attended. There is a gracious spirit, a pursuit of harmony, and a depth of love that is beautiful. I desire to foster and promote that spirit with what has become our community of faith. 

That’s led me, informed by my lifetime of formation in Christ (which is far from complete but further along the road that it’s ever been), to be a glad member of a community which does not profess the same exact theological beliefs that I hold. Together, though, we hold to core truths of faith, the work of the cross and the resurrection of Jesus which brings new life, and the love of God for his creation. 

But maturity has taught me I no longer need to stomp my feet and fold my arms in anger because others don’t share my deeply held theological beliefs. Those (all to recent) leanings have been the result of fear and a need for confirmation that what I believe to be true IS actually true. It came from a place of insecurity, a need to be affirmed. Vestiges of my early formation in cultural norms and the "ways of the world". 

I’ve learned the only affirmation I need is the testimony of God’s spirit with my own. 

The “truth” is that none of us actually know the ultimate “truth”. That sort of “truth” we seek is literally unknowable. 

What we can know is Jesus. The Jesus who is the perfect image of the unseen God, full of grace and truth. We can learn His ways, His rhythms, and His love. That's truth enough, to be honest.  

Now, looking back, to go from a kindergartener sitting at his teacher’s knees, to a mature adult who can say that I do have deep beliefs that I think are true and that I will cling to, is quite a journey.

I have gone through so many seasons of change, of renewed thought, of changing views and beliefs. Does that mean those previous beliefs I held are wrong? Of course not. Learning is done in stages, and as understanding and revelation stack one upon another throughout life, they inevitably lead to new conclusions and new ideas.  None of us think the same things we did when we were children, or teenagers, or even young adults. Wisdom and experience temper our ideas about God and everything as we mature. 

I have been on a journey my whole life, without really ever realizing I was walking a journey’s path. We all are on a journey, on a path that has brought us to where we are today. 

I guess it takes looking back to finally realize just how long and winding my journey has been. I bet you’d feel the same if you took the time to think and ponder and consider your own journey. 

My journey has taught me, it's difficult to say that “God is in control” anymore. 

First, because it’s impossible for me to live day to day as if God "controls" everything. You and I live in a world where we seem to have lots of say-so about what we do, where we go, how we behave. We wake up and decide what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to do. Whether God controls that or not, I just don’t know, and I couldn’t tell if he did, so for me, it’s a non-issue. 

Second, I don’t think scripture tells us that God intimately controls everything that happens. I think scripture more accurately portrays God as someone that walks with us on our journeys, and guides us if we’ll listen him. God, through the Holy Spirit, is ever present with us. Jesus said he will never leave us or forsake us. To me, that means he’s been on the path with us, guiding us as much as we’re willing to listen, helping us to follow him to develop a life of joy and peace within ourselves and in our community.

But I do insist that God us sovereign, and will see all of history to a conclusion that he has in mind for us. I believe there may be many ways for God to accomplish his will, but I think God is wise enough and patient enough to work with the freedom of his beloved children to bring about all that God intends. Jesus IS the savior of the world, and all of creation, and I believe he will save it. All of it. Every last bit. 

And all shall be well. All shall be good.

Having said all this, and, in light of my earlier “discontent” with where I am, I can say I’m not really “discontent” after all. It’s been a “long and winding road” and think I just lost sight of how long the journey has been, and all the hills and valleys I’ve traversed, how far I’ve come.

I can instead feel joy that I am as far along as I am on my journey, recognize and rejoice that God and Jesus have been with me every step of the way, and look forward to where the journey will take me tomorrow. 

With Jesus by my side. 

We are all formed and discipled by something. Be it the world or be it Jesus. 

I pray for each of us that we will take a chance and listen to the still, small voice speaking in our ears. Give in to our better angels, as it were. There's joy down that path. 

As the country song goes, “Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance, and if you get the chance to sit out our dance…... Dance!”*

The time is never too late to chart a new path. The one thing I’ve learned is that the path of following Jesus is a good path, and though there are times I’ve regretted straying from the path, I’ve never regretted the times I’ve returned and walked on the path with Jesus. 

I’ve come to a place of comfort where I can quote Rachel Held Evans who said, after her own doubts and misgivings on her own journey, 

“I am a Christian, because the story of Jesus is still the story I’m willing to risk being wrong about.” 

 *I Hope You Dance (Leeann Womack)

I hope you never lose you sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take on single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one door opens

Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance!

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin’ might mean taking chance but they’re worth takin’

Love might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’

Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter’

When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

(Time is a wheel in constant motion)

(Always rolling us along)

(Tell me who want to look back on their years)

(And wonder where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance!

Seeing is Revealing: How We Live Reveals What We Believe

Have you ever thought about what you believe? What you trust and have faith in?

I don't mean just in regards to religion (though we'll get to that). Religion is probably one of the first things that come to mind when we ask about "what do we believe" or "what are we trusting?" 

But belief, faith, trust, seems to be central to everything we do. Which is to say, we take a lot of things, almost everything, on faith. Most of our lives, I would venture, is lived by faith or belief in many different things. And those beliefs can vary widely. 

Unless we have absolutely first hand, concrete "I saw it with my own eyes" or "it happened to me" experience on any subject, or tested something and found by your own experience that it is true or verifiable, and unless we have absolute access to the exact unadulterated facts of the case (which, arguably, we never have).....

virtually e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g we believe.... 

everything that we form a strong opinion about, 

everything we base our decisions on,

everything we think we know that guides our lives....

with almost zero exceptions, every single thing that guides us, everything that we base our life decisions on, virtually everything is based on faith and trust in something.

What is good for a cold?

Which is the best television to buy?

Which washing machine is the most dependable?

Which dish soap cleans our dishes the best?

Which diet plan is the most healthy?

What's the best school for our children to attend?

Should I vaccinate my children?

Which computer is best for my needs?

Almost none of us have first hand investigative experience, examining the electronics and workings of modern televisions to know - factually- which tv is the most reliable and dependable.  We talk to friends to see what they've experienced, read reviews, do comparative research, and maybe see what Consumer Reports or Popular Science have to say about it. 

But after we consider all that we've been able to talk about, research, and review on any subject, we have to make a choice. The data is almost always exhaustingly inconclusive. We make our best choice by faith in the information we have, faith that we've done our best to sort it out and we hope our faith will be well founded. We almost never "know" conclusively what is best or right. 

We intuit. We make our best guess. We go with our gut. We take our best shot.

If we fly anywhere, unless you are a pilot and fly yourself, we do it by faith and trust in the airline and airplane.  

Unless you built it from the ground up, you have faith and trust in the engineers and mechanics that built your car. 

If we actually get in and drive our car, we are exercising an enormous amount of faith in our fellow drivers on the road. 

Faith that the driver next to us will obey the laws of the road. 

(I know, we'll all laughingly say "I don't have any faith in the drivers around me" which, I humbly offer, is not true. 

(If we didn't have faith, we wouldn't venture out in our two ton metal deathtraps, driving 70mph, on a freeway full of people we literally don't know and don't trust, driving alongside 18-wheeled, 80,000lb sledgehammers of oblivion.  

(The truth is, we step out in faith every time we turn the key, or push the ignition button and drive down the road.)

It takes faith to even function in this world. Without faith, we literally would be paralyzed by fear and indecision, probably living in a cave somewhere eating I don't know what. Because if someone gave us food and said "eat, this is good and will keep you alive", we'd never take a bite without some faith in what we were told about the food, Without some faith in the person giving us the food, we'd never listen to them anyway. 

Do you realize how much faith it takes to go to the grocery store and casually coast down the aisle filling our shopping carts with food? We literally have no idea where most of the food came from or how it was prepared and packaged, yet we trust that the food is safe. We trust the ranchers and farmers to supply us with fresh meat that, to be honest, almost none of city slickers know how it got to the grocery shelf. We exercise a ridiculous amount of trust and faith every time we go to the store.  

We have absolutely no way of personally verifying the veracity of every claim made, every story related to us, every thing we're told to believe in order to survive in this world. Faith is hardwired into our being. 

It's not a choice, its simply How. We. Live. 

We literally live and move, every day, every month, every year, virtually all by faith. 

We don't really live by sight, since we can't actually see, in real life, 99% of what we're told is truth, in order to verify if it is true or not. Nor can we tell what others are thinking. (With A.I. videos and photos today, we can't even tell if anything in the digital realm is reliable anymore.)

We literally live by faith in things unseen. We live by faith in what is passed on to us by others, by the accounts of their experiences and they by ours, in the form of books, stories, videos, photos, and news accounts (which are simply accounts of happenings elsewhere told via stories, videos, and photos). 

We have almost zero ability to prove or disprove any of what we are presented with.  

Think about that. 

Was someone actually shot at the corner of 5th and Main last night? I dunno, that's what the newsman on TV said.  

Was there an explosion at a warehouse in Salina, Kansas last night? Unless I live in Salina and saw it or I drive by and see the evidence in the morning, I have to admit.... I dunno, that's what the newsman told me. 

Is the economy in the tank or rolling gangbusters? I dunno. I know the newsman told me things were great, but the newsman on the other station said things were in the tank.  

Did that polar beer on the Facebook Reels really kiss a rabbit then climb onto an iceberg and hug a seal? It sure looks like it did! It looks real!

Now I don't know what to think. 

Do you see? 

Do you see how faith, belief, and trust is what we literally live by?

And what happens when the institutions and social organization and structure and story tellers we've come to trust falter? 

What happens when our faith is shaken and we don't know what to believe anymore?. 

When we don't know what to believe, we will often believe almost anything that sounds remotely reasonable to get us back on track, on a firm foundation. Or, we believe the things that coincide with our own biases because they help confirm our faith. Without faith, we are paralyzed. 

So, to bring this to the point 

(see? I literally cannot write a short essay.....sigh) 

If we live so innately and naturally by faith in the stories we are told, and faith in things that, in reality, are unseen......

If we are literally living every day by faith, when we walk, drive, eat, spend, or do almost any other daily activity...... 

Then how we live reveals the things that we believe in, and that we have faith in. 

If we say be believe something, but don't act on what we say be believe, the inconvenient truth is we don't really believe what we say we believe . 

Conversely, acting on what we say be believe is evidence that we really do believe what we say we believe. 

Further, the things we do and the ways we act and live reveal the things we really do have faith in and believe. 

Jesus said you can tell a tree by it's fruit. He's not wrong.

If we say we believe that feeding the poor is important but we don't do anything to help feed the poor, the truth is we don't really believe feeding the poor is important. 

Conversely, if we are involved in ways of feeding the poor, through donating or volunteering or whatever we are able to do, we expose the truth that we do care about feeding the poor. 

Feeding the poor is not a litmus test, mind you. Just using that as an example.

But my point is, for good or ill, we act on what we have faith in and believe. And the things we do reveal what we believe.

Which brings me to my self-examination question:

Does my life reveal that I do have faith in and believe the things I say I do, or not? 

(You know this had to come back to Jesus and faith and life, right?)

Jesus said 

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments." (John 14:15)

Elsewhere Jesus puts it another way; 

"Why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ but do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:46)

Again Jesus makes the point about how our behavior reveals things about us; 

"You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?" (Matthew 7:16) 

Granted, Jesus is talking about identifying "false prophets", but what else is a false prophet than one who says they believe in Jesus but doesn't do what he commands?

The Apostle John riffs on this idea in his letter; 

"By this we can be sure that we have come to know Him: if we keep His commandments.  If anyone says, “I know Him,” but does not keep His commandments, he is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone keeps His word, the love of God has been truly perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him:" (1 John 2:3-5)

Harsh, but true. 

----------------------------------

I write this not as a judgement, but as an encouragement. Not as a critique, but a diagnostic. A way of letting myself process my own thoughts, my own tendencies, and taking a somewhat honest look at my own life.

For some time now I've been pondering my own walk of faith, and have asked myself,

"Did Jesus really mean the things he said and commanded?"

I have to conclude that he did indeed mean exactly what he said. He said it for our good and for our benefit. Everything Jesus did was for our good and for our benefit. 

Reader, please understand this truth: no matter who we say we are, or what we say we believe, or where we say our faith and trust is placed......

The truth of who we are, what we believe, and where our faith and trust is placed is revealed by how we live.

Who we are is revealed by how we speak. How we love. How we judge. How we treat our neighbor. How we treat our enemies. How we act and behave. These are the things that reveal who we really are.

If you thought John was harsh, listen to James;

"What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? 

"Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?

"So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds (good fruit in our lives, following Jesus' commands, doing the things we say we believe), it is dead and useless."  (James 2:14-17)

Yikes.

Useless because a life without "good deeds" doesn't show Jesus to the world. A life lived with faith in Jesus is intended to show Jesus to the world. 

--------------------------------

Ok, enough moribund expositing. 

This was for me. 

I want to live the remainder of my life full of good fruit that I can give away to others through "good deeds", living a kind and loving life that conforms to the faith I claim to believe. 

I want those around me to see Jesus in me from time to time. 

This is a tool I use to help me examine things from time to time. 

Thanks for reading. 

Fruit and Fertilizer and Trees. And a Red Pill. (I Seriously Cannot Write Anything Short)

I've been thinking about something for a while, trying to internalize it and integrate it into the rhythm of my life. Its about change, transformation, and growth. 

Let me try to explain. 

I've been part of a bible study group looking at the fruit of the Spirit, as found in Galatians 5:22. If you've been in church for a while, you've probably heard "the fruit of the Spirit" mentioned.  If not, take a moment and read Galatians 5:13-26 for context. 

The fruit of the Spirit is 

love

joy

peace

patience

kindness

goodness

faithfulness

gentleness

self-control. 

What a great list of "fruit" to grow in our lives, right?

Who doesn't want to feel love? 

Who doesn't want to experience joy?

Who doesn't want to have peace in their life?

Who doesn't want to learn to be more patient?

Who doesn't want to be kind and to give kindness?

Who doesn't want goodness in their soul?

Who doesn't want to be a faithful friend, or have faithful friends?

Who doesn't want to experience gentleness?

Who doesn't want to learn self-control of their emotions and responses and reactions?

As the author of Galatians, Paul, writes "against such things there is no law".

Now, take note, as Paul writes about the fruit of the spirit, he writes as if the fruit were a singular thing. 

It's not 

"fruits of the Spirit", 

its 

"fruit of the Spirit". 

Singular.

I think Paul is trying to communicate that the life that God wants to grow within us, by the Holy Spirit, is an integrated life. By that I mean,  a life not lacking in any of the attributes of this wonderful fruit the Spirit wants to grow in us.  

We don't get to say "I want joy, but patience is hard, and so is kindness, so I'll just take the joy, thank you very much". 

Joy comes with peace and love. 

Love develops kindness and goodness. 

Goodness leads to patience and faithfulness.

Faithfulness develops self-control and peace. 

Gentleness and kindness grow out of love and goodness.

You see?

The Fruit is not a series of individual fruits that we have to grow separately. 

The Fruit of the Spirit is not a fruit salad.  

We don't have grapes and oranges and apples and berries and bananas and peaches and apricots and plums all mixed together in a spiritual bowl. If that was the case, I'm pretty sure we'd pick out the ones we like, and leave the ones we don't. 

What we have is a wonderful, delicious, fragrant, beautiful fruit that the Spirit wants to produce in our lives.  

Its a Fruit that takes time to ripen, but as it grows, the flavors join and meld and become not separate notes of various different fruits, but its own unique, flavorful, delicious and healthy fruit, incorporating all the notes of flavors in the Spirit, that benefits everyone who tastes it. A fruit unique to every tree, but grown by the Spirit to be the best fruit the tree can produce. 

The analogy Paul uses stems directly from Jesus' observation that you can tell a tree by its fruit. 

Jesus taught, "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them."

An unhealthy tree simply won't grow good fruit. 

A healthy tree will always grow good fruit.  

So, to go back to what I've been thinking about, how do we become healthy trees in God's Kingdom. 

If we want to grow in the Spirit and begin bearing the good fruit that Paul describes, we have to develop rhythms and practices that water and feed the tree from which the fruit grows. 

See, we are all bearing fruit, of one kind or another. 

That's important to understand. 

In everything we do, every choice we make, every breath we take (thank you, Sting), we are bearing some sort of fruit on our tree of life that other people can see and taste. 

Good fruit or bad, we are all fruit bearing trees. 

God made us to bear fruit.

Every farmer plants trees in the hope that they will bear good fruit. 

God is no different. 

We don't get to pick and choose which or what kind of fruit we produce. We produce exactly the kind of fruit that the health and make-up of our tree has grown to produce.  

So, if we want the good fruit, we need to attend to the tree itself, too. 

If I'm a tree that produces anger and dissention, but I want to be a tree that grows love and peace and kindness, then not only should I desire those good fruit, but the desire for good fruit needs to lead us to examine the tree growth and find ways to help our tree grow healthier.

And this is where change, transformation, and growth come into the discussion. 

One of my very favorite bible verses is Romans 12:2,

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

"changing the way you think......"

Isn't that exactly what Jesus was doing while teaching is disciples, his apprentices, for three years? Teaching them to change they way they think about.... well..... everything?

I mean, Jesus confronted the behaviors and customs of this world every day with his disciples. 

In Luke 9:51-56, James and John wanted to call down fire from heaven upon a Samaritan village that didn't welcome Jesus or his group. They were probably thinking of Elijah calling down fire from heaven upon the altar of the priests of Baal, who then had the priests all rounded up and killed in righteous fury (see 1 Kings 18 for the story). 

Jesus rebuked James on John. Violence and anger in response to offense is the way they'd been taught, Jesus might of said, but it's not the way of Jesus. 

In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught over and over.....

"you've heard it said..... but I say....." 

He challenged his listeners and followers to think differently about life and love and faith and relationships and forgiveness. He challenged them to rethink everything they'd been taught by the world, to instead "seek first the kingdom of God and His (type) of righteousness ", because that's the important thing that leads to a full and abundant life. 

A life in the mold of Jesus, seeking first his Father's kingdom. 

And here's and example of the crux of what I'm pondering: 

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells his listeners, specifically, to "love your enemies".

More fully, Jesus says, 

"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?  Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

And this is a conundrum for me. 

Go back to growing a healthy tree analogy for a moment. 

If I'm a fruit bearing tree, don't get to pick which fruit I grow. I grow what I grow because that's what my tree grows. 

Jesus understands that, and he begins to help us to grow a more healthy tree by giving us some fertilizer, if you will.  

Love your enemies.

First thought for most folks after hearing that was probably, uh, nope. That's not how the world works. 

 And they'd be right. The world doesn't work that way. 

"Don't copy the behaviors and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think...."

You see, its not a new thought for me but it's becoming front of mind for me.

 I think the rabbit hole of following Jesus is way deeper than I ever thought. 

I think it goes on and on and on, but Jesus seems to promise that if I keep going down the hole, it'll be worth it. 

Jesus wants us to "take the red pill", and don't look back, like in the movie "The Matrix". 

In the movie, Neo, along with all of humanity, is trapped in a virtual-reality prison designed to enslave humanity in order to use their bodies to provide power for an AI industrial complex. Neo, trapped in this virtual world that looks and feels real but isn't,  senses there is something wrong with the VR world he's imprisoned in, and is confronted by a mysterious man who offers him a way to see the real world. Neo is offered a red pill, which if he takes it will lead down a rabbit hole where Neo will find the real world. Neo is given no promises, only that the life will be real. He is also offered a blue pill which, if taken, will return Neo to his blissful VR life with no memories of this inflection point. He can live his life enslaved in ignorant bliss, never experiencing the real life humanity was meant for. 

Jesus wants to free us from the illusion we're trapped in. Free us from the lie that the way of the world is not only the best way, but it's the only way there is. 

Jesus wants us to find the Jesus Way. 

Jesus wants to transform us into His likeness. Like, literally. 

Not a little bit of imitation. 

Not a little bit of incorporating Jesus teachings into our lives. 

Jesus wants to change us. To enliven us. To wake us up to real life in the real world . 

Commands like love your enemies, turn the other cheek, don't judge lest you be judged by the same measure, be merciful and just are just the beginning of seeing into the real world, seeing what that real world is like. It's a world that Jesus calls the Kingdom of God. 

For me, it's like this: love your enemies is fertilizer. 

When Jesus says love your enemies, he is confronting a foundational truth humans have been discipled and taught to follow by virtue of simply being raised in our society. He's highlighting how society has told us the lie that some people are our enemies.  

But Jesus is telling us to think differently about who we would consider an enemy. 

I can choose not to have enemies, to look at anyone else with enmity. 

I can't control what others feel toward me, but I chose how I feel toward others. 

What makes someone an enemy I am commanded to love? 

Consider this: in commanding his followers to love their enemies, Jesus is pretty much precluding that we consider anyone an enemy. 

You simply cannot love that which you hate. 

If you hate your enemy, it is not possible to love them. 

Love and hate are exclusionary to one another. 

They cannot exist in the same space. 

We may think they can, but they can't. 

So, when Jesus commands us to love your enemies, I think of it as spreading fertilizer to help our tree begin to get healthy. He's giving us nutrients to take in, things to try, experiences to process, so that we can begin to incorporate the fertilizer, the teaching, into our very being. Eventually it becomes a part of the tree trunk, the wood and the bark, feeding the leaves and the fruit as it grows stronger and healthier.  

You see, I think Jesus is nudging us toward a life where the Spirit is fully incorporated into our lives in such a way that we not only consider loving our enemies (someone we hate), but to a point that we love so freely that we consider no one to be an enemy. 

By which I mean, Jesus is guiding us to an abundant life, indeed a life with the life of Christ within us, empowered by the Spirit of God, where we love our neighbor as ourselves so well that we enmity toward no one. 

He's guiding us to a life where we have love toward all, because that's what love does, loving just as the God the Father does when He lavishes his sunshine and rain on the righteous and unrighteous, the good and the bad, our friends and our enemies alike.

Jesus tells us "be perfect therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect". 

I use this analogy. 

When trying to lose weight, eating carrots and celery is a good way to curtail caloric content while taking in fiber and filler. They are healthy foods. 

So, in a sense, my dietician may tell me to "love your carrots and celery" and eat them because they're good for you. 

So, even though I don't like them, I'll eat them. I'll try to learn to love them because my dietician says its a good thing to do. 

But I don't want to live a life eating food that I don't like, even if it's good for me. 

I don't want to go through life eating food that I hate, just because I was told it was good for me. 

What I want is to become a guy who enjoys and likes eating carrots and celery. 

I want to be transformed from a person following a rule, to a person in whom the rule is fully incorporated as a part of my being. 

At that point its not a rule for me. It's just me being me. 

I don't just want to think about loving carrots and celery in order to eat them, I want become someone that likes carrots and celery and enjoys eating them. 

I don't to think about loving my enemies just because its a command of Jesus (even if its for my good and the good of others). 

I want to love others in my heart in a way that I don't consider anyone an enemy to love. 

I simply want to love.

Everyone. 

Because its become a natural part of my existence.   

I think that's what Jesus means when he says be perfect like our Heavenly Father. God in his nature loves. That's the essence of the being of God.

God never looks at someone as an enemy and makes a choice to love them. 

You may have been told that in order to love or forgive you, God looks at you through Jesus colored glasses. 

Or maybe you've heard God looks upon Jesus on the cross in order to love and forgive you. 

Maybe you've heard that God turns his back on you when you sin or do something you think God doesn't like. 

Those are lies. Every one of them. 

God loves because that's who God is. God simply loves. 

He's can't "not love" anyone or anything, because that that's not God's nature. 

It's not a choice for God to love or not. God simply loves. 

You've may have heard it said that mankind is an enemy to God. 

I say to you, God has no enemies, because He loves us all.

Anyone God loves is not God's enemy. God loves the world, so no one in the world is outside of God's love. No one is God's enemy. 

We may have thought we were God's enemies, or even that God was our enemy, but that was just from our perspective, from what we thought in our minds. 

Colossians 1:21 states "Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior."

This is how God loves, and what I think Jesus is trying to fertilize in us. 

Romans 5:8-11 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation."

God has no enemies. He has only love.

Jesus had no enemies. Even those that persecuted him and nailed him to the cross, were not his enemies. 

"Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing."

What Jesus and the Holy Spirit are spurring in us not a life that follows rules as a way to follow Jesus, although learning the ways of Jesus and his commands is a good start.

The commands are fertilizer for the soil in which we grow. 

Jesus and the Spirit are spurring a life surrendered to the Spirit, so that we are freed to simply be people that love the way God loves, and the way Jesus loves. 

We are being freed to be fully human, the way God made us, to be people of love. 

Of course, its a journey, and the Apostle Paul gives us all sorts of insight that tells us this life of becoming like Jesus is a long slog. Paul says he beats his body into submission. He trains like an athlete. He runs the long race. 

But Paul also says its worth it. 

So does Jesus. 

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

"Yes, I am the gate. Those who come in through me will be saved. They will come and go freely and will find good pastures. The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. 

"My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life".

God has told me (seriously, I heard these words in my head just New Years Eve this year), "This is your journey, Mike, not anyone else's. Don't make any judgements on how anyone else follows me. You follow me."

So, I write this not to tell anyone else what to think, but to tell the world what I'm thinking. 

If you find it helpful, then praise the Lord. 

If you find something to think about, then I thank God. 

If you read all the way to this point, I am fully astonished and amazed. 

Thank you.