Catching Up Some

Every once in a while I go through phases where I just don't feel like blogging. I get lazy, and post e-mails and other space fillers, but nothing of substance, or anything that takes work to write about. Obviously, I've been recently going through just such a phase. So, I decided to change just a few things about the look of the blog and take out that silly Flooble Chatterbox. Content is still the same, just think of it as a shower and a shave for my blog.

I just got back from a drive up Highway 49, through Grass Valley and Nevada City, up to Scotts Flat reservoir, where I tried my hand at fishing for a few minutes. I didn't catch anything, which is no great surprise. But it was a lovely lake, a delightful drive, and a beautiful day. I think I may go back in a few weeks and do a night or two of camping. They rent boats for very reasonable rates, which I think would be a blast.


I guess I'm just kinda bored, again. I go through these phases now and again. Work is mundane but not unpleasant. Home life is mundane, and routine, but again, not unpleasant. I have a great time with my kids, and the x-wife and I are getting along very well right now. I think at times I'm a little lonely for female companionship, but I've consciously made a decision not to pursue that right now. I don't have the time or the energy to devote to a new relationship, nor do I want to take the time away from my kids. So, I guess I just have to deal with being bored at times. I know, life could be much worse!

I'm re-reading "Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secrets of a Man's Soul", and being reminded exactly why I started this journal, and why I named it Wild At Heart. It helps be define who I want to be.

I had an interesting conversation with a good friend at work the other day. We were discussing men and why they are the way they are. I brought up some of the views I've learned from reading the book and applying it to my own life. I agree with the author of "Wild At Heart" that most men are posers: insecure and unsure, at their core. They don't know if they have 'what it takes' to be a man and win the heart of the beauty they long to win, that special woman they are attracted to.

Men do all sorts of things to make themselves appear strong and capable, from looking dangerous (tattoos, piercings, clothing styles, etc), to over-compensating at work, or sports, or even sexually (porn, anyone?), in an effort to feel that strength they so desperately desire in other parts of their life. Even those who appear super-successful usually have doubts and fears, just like everyone else. That's why even the super-rich, super-successful men are often very unhappy with themselves or their relationships (Donald Trump - marriage #3? Not much success in that arena, I'd say). It's because ALL men suffer some insecurities. That's just life. But, like most things, realizing the problem and learning to do something about it is the key.

Reading "Wild At Heart" taught me some of what I already knew: I was created by God, in God's image, with the heart of a man, not a woman. Then some things were pointed out that made good sense: in the Genesis account, God made the world, and everything in it: thunderstorms, hurricanes, grizzly bears, lions, tigers, snakes, spiders, rushing rivers, roaring oceans, towing mountains, shear cliffs, sharks.... any number of spectacular things that can crush, tear, main, break, and kill a man in a moment; and yet each of these spectacular things are, at the same time, breathtaking, mesmorizing, tantalizing, and attract a man's fascination and curiosity. And God called all of it, all of creation, "good". Then God told man to go out and subdue all that! Man was designed to be a part of THAT creation.

A true man, a real man, is and ought to be just a little bit dangerous. Yes, you read that right: dangerous. Not mean. Not cruel. Not malicious. But... capable. Able (or at least willing to try hard, not be afraid) to take care of himself, those he loves, and deal with life as it comes at him. Trust me, at the heart of every man is a desire to feel that capable-ness.

Does a woman, at hear true heart, want a "nice" man who never takes risks, or someone who is "dashing", and has just that edge of danger/capableness about him? Controlled strength is almost universally attractive.

I remember looking at my dad when I was a little guy, and thinking 'my dad can fix anything.' He was capable. He was strong. He was a man. I wanted that. Every child wants that. That's what I think men should aspire to. Too many men know they want something, but have no idea what, because they never had a man in their life to learn it from.

I haven't grabbed ahold of this vision I have for myself yet, but I'm learning more each day, and trusting God to guide me. One thing I have done in the past year is, I've realized my life is the result of my choices, and I am responsible for them. I am not helpless, on a boat adrift without an anchor. I am the captain of my boat, and if I ever go adrift, it's because I pulled up my anchor and have done nothing to guide the boat. Personal responsibility has been a very new concept for me, and it's been a hard lesson.

Argh! I've rambled, but that's ok... this is what my blog is for. My ramblings.

On The Subject Of Being Kind ......

A friend of mine at church often sends out those little uplifting e-mails that we all get, with little puppies or angels or cute babies, and pithy sayings to try and brighten up your day. Most of them are sweet, but quickly forgotten in my hurry to get to "important" e-mails, of which I actually get very, very few.

But, every so often a short message comes along that truly brings tears to my eyes, and touches me.... just so. Since my e-mail address list is so screwed up I hardly know who is who, and I don't want to send a global burst, I share here for those who care to read:

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a the following:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.

Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"

Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield.

Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"

Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"

By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home.

Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message.

Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things."

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

You now have a choice:
1. Delete this.
2. Forward it to the people you care about.
I made the choice to share it.