Friday, October 01, 2004

Beer Goggles

So it's October already. Dang! I kid you not, Christmas 2003 seems like it was, literally, just a few months ago. Summer's freakin' GONE! I'm dying here, folks.....

I had all my girls with me this week. I really enjoyed it, even if they all didn't. There were high points and low points for all of us. Bottom line for me is, I love having my girls with me. I would have them full time if for whatever unforseeable reason their mom didn't want to have them around (which I don't see happening, she's a pretty good mom; but you know, in my fantasy realm, things happen).

I love having them here, because life is so full when they are. Monday I had my friend Lisa and her family over for dinner (Camie and Lindsey talked and visited with Lisa's kids while she and I visited. See, family stuff like this is cool). Tuesday, Emily and I went to the movies (and it was GOOD... Aisha, fine, don't call me... I see how you Wednesday the kids and I went to church. Thursday, Lindsey and I watched the presidential debate. A great, full week.

But tonight is Friday. Sigh. I took Lindsey and Camie back to their mom's house. Emily is out with her boyfriend, and she'll head back to her mom's later, too. I stopped by the liquor store and bought a couple of beers that I'm gonna sip tonight, while I watch Stargate SG-1 reruns. Life without my children just isn't the same.

I know that some day, in the not too distant future, they are ALL going to be grown up. They're gonna have husbands and children of their own, and be far to busy to stop by dad's house every day, or even every week. I understand that. But at that point, it's different. That's the way things OUGHT to be. When my kids are young (13, 16, and 18), that's not the way it's supposed to be.

Divorce sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT whining about my marital status, or the fact that I'm not married to my kid's mom anymore. There was enough wrong with that relationship that I'm not mourning it's passing. Staying in it any longer would have been insane.

But it's clear to me now that a family is a unit, and when the unit breaks, no matter how well we do AFTER it breaks, the bottom line is.... it's still broken. For the girls, for me, for their mom... all the way around. Even the very BEST we can do as a broken unit, is less than the ideal of an intact, loving unit.

Ah well... that's my philosophy lesson for today. Perhaps it's the beer talking. More likely, it's the beer that's making me willing to write this down. At any rate, I'm looking forward to seeing my girls again. I love them all so very much.

Monday, September 27, 2004


So I finished the WMD class. I have to admit, I actually had a good time. Nothing in the simulations actually pertained to my job in particular, but I found the concepts involved in Incident Command involving a large response pretty interesting. Seeing how law enforcement would coordinate with all the other emergency responders was a lot of fun. Plus, I got to be the Incident Commander. I was somewhat dismayed that the experienced police and sheriff sergeants and policy planners on my team didn't have any better ideas than I did. On the other hand, I held my own with all these people just fine, which made me feel pretty good.

A history teacher at San Juan High School died this past week. Todd Morrison Harris. Emily was in his history class for 2 years, and Lindsey was in his class last year. He truly was one of those great teachers that only come along every so often. I often called him a liberal-whacko when my kids and I talked about him. But he was the teacher whose class everyone looked forward to attending. He made history come alive. He challenged the kids to think, and to expore. So many kids were touched by his advice and guidance. I took Lindsey to his memorial yesterday. SRO at the chapel, and the comments could have gone on for hours. I was more a celebration of the man he was, than a mourning of his passing.

I asked Lindsey, as we waited in the parkinglot for cars to move so I could get back to work, what did she think? She'd never been to a funeral or memorial before. She said, it made her think how important it was to share Jesus with her friends, because you just never know when you won't be able to anymore. Not what I expected her to say, but I think she got it right.