Saturday, March 20, 2004

If it's on the Internet, it must be true.....right?

Sigh... if these people EVER become the mainstream, I fear we are doomed as a people.

Feeling poopy

Had the hardest time getting up for work yesterday. I hadn't been sleeping too well the last coupla nights, and I was just deadwood tired. I felt lethargic all day, and I knew I could feel a bout of vertigo coming on. I was tired and felt kinda like I was encased in a big ball of cotton all day. It's hard to describe, but its a not-uncommon occurance in my life. I was OK as long as I sat still and kinda kept my head facing the computer monitor. "No sudden movements" is the order of the day when I get the dizzyness. Came home last night, was grumpy and tired and snapped at the kids. Argh! Hate when I do that. I had a low fever, too, so there's a small infection going somewhere. Anyway, I called in sick last night, because I KNEW I wouldn't be up to work today.

And I was right. Woke up this morning in a fog, and my head just kinda spinning. It's not like it's debilitating, just very, very disconcerting. As long as I sit still and don't look around suddenly, it's manageable. I took some meclizine this morning, and it seems to be subsiding.

***Spoiler Alert! If you don't want to see how Stargate SG-1 Season 7 ends, don't read this next paragraph!

I DID make a point of watching the season finale of Stargate SG-1 last night. Very satisfying, if a tad contrived. SG-1 has been seeking an amazing super-weapon to defend Earth from the bad guys for the last 5 seasons. In the end, they find it right here on good ol' Earth, where it was all along, and of course they find it in the nick of time and use it to destroy the undefeatable enemy. But there's something about the puny, weak humans, fighting that last desperate stand against insurmountable odds, in the face of global desctruction, knowing they will die but fighting to their last breath anyway.... that we puny humans just love! And, ARGH!!!! They just HAVE to do something with the non-romance between O'neil and Carter. (I mean, the romantic tension between Sam and Diane on Cheers only worked so long, and everyone got tired of it. It nearly ruined the show.) O'neil is locked away in some alien machine, so who knows what will happen now. I guess I'll have to wait till the start of Season 8.

***End of spoiler

EFJ and CLJ go back to their mom's this week. It'll be kinda quiet around here this week, just me and LMJ. I do like to have some quiet time, as everyone does, but I think I prefer the bustle of a full house. It feels "alive", and purposeful. Dunno if that makes sense, but ..... eh, it's my journal-thingy. ;-)

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Nature of things

Slept in late today. Did a few chores around the house: dishes, vaccuming, laundry. Chatted with EFJ fora few minutes this morning. Took CLJ to her counseling appointment this afternoon. Took LMJ to choir practice at church, and CLJ to McDonald's for dinner. Then off to church ourselves. At home, CLJ was feeling kinda down, and I read to her from Harry Potter some more, then she was off to bed, tired as can be. She's kinda stressed out lately.

Overall, a typical Wednesday.

But, to cap the night, I had the most wonderful conversation with LMJ. She's been feeling a little down and kinda lonely. She was hoping this week with her sister EFJ her would be a chance for the two of them to kinda catch up, and spend some time together. EFJ has been so busy with her own life, it just didn't turn out the way LMJ was hoping. So I sat down and we started to talk.

We talked about friends at school, how hard it is to make friends and to be comfortable with people. She is excited about the possibility of getting a job at Carl's Jr, where her sister works. We talked about lots of things, just sort of a rambling conversation. Then, after a bit, I asked her what she was passionate about. What things in life excited her? Without much thought she said "ministry", as in Christian ministry. Made my heart soar.

LMJ and I often have deep ranging conversations about our faith. Tonight we ranged over why she believes what she believes, and lives the values that she tries to. She has such a deep understanding of the Christian faith, and such a beautiful way of looking at it. She says, it's not so much a religion, as a way of life (which I thoroughly agree with). We talked about the nature of God, and the nature of time. Free-will and pre-destination. Stuff I just love talking about with her. I love to see her sit up straight, and get passionate about things when she talks. She is so bright and so deep when she lets people in that I'm simply awestruck that she is only 15 years old, and comprehending things some people never even think about during their entire lives.

It's a joy to see my kids growing up, learning, and expanding their ideas. It's even a joy to see them deal with the struggles they go through, because I know that, as they deal with their problems, they learn every day how better to deal with life. Watching them grow and learn and become stronger young women is a priviledge I will never again take for granted.

I did at one time in my life, and it nearly cost me in completely broken relationships with all three of them. I'm so glad I have a second chance to do better. They are great kids.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004


Took another short drive today. Went through Auburn, out Mount Vernon Rd, took a left on some dinky country road, and wound up driving along this little creek with waterfront homes. It was great! I SO want to live in an area like that when I grow up. I posted some pictures here.

Went shopping at Wal-Mart. I had no idea there was a Wal-Mart in Roseville now, till a friend of mine mentioned it last week. I had to check it out. Nice, clean, and cheap bargains. Shopping doesn't get too much better than that.

Had a nice talk with my oldest, EFJ, tonight. She is raising a puppy for Guide Dogs For The Blind, and we went to see if they were having their regular Tuesday night meeting. She told me she didn't think there was tonight, but I wasn't sure, so we went to the meeting place to check. Sure enough, she's right, no meeting. So we went over to Starbucks and had a nice chat. She's growing up so much. 17 going on 25. She's so smart and motivated, but just a little overwhelmed at all the choices in front of her. She wants to have things figured out "right now". I told her to just take her time, and things will figure themselves out. We talked about options like college and the military. To be honest, I'd be exicted for her if she joined the Air Force. What an opportunity to be independent and experience life. I was on a track to join the Air Force when I was 20, but I plain chickened out. Looking back, I think it's an experience I missed out on.

LMJ is visiting her mom this evening for "mom-daughter" night. Their Mom has designated certain nights of the week to be spent mainly focusing on one child, making it their night together. It's a cool idea, and I'm glad to see LMJ looking forward to it.

I read a chapter out of Harry Potter:The Chamber of Secrets with CLJ. We're working our way, slowly, through the book. Once or twice a week when she's here, we'll have 30 or 40 minutes to steal away, and we go sit in her room or my bedroom, and I read to her. Yeah, she's 12, but she still likes it, and I'm enjoying the Harry Potter book. CFJ drew a picture of Harry while I was reading.

I hope all my kids follow their hearts as they grow up. Right now, I'm thinking of Emily with so much of life opening up in front of her. I hope she follows her heart. Usually don't have many regrets when we do.

Full House

Got all my girls with me this week. Makes for a full house in my little 2 bedroom apartment, but it's cool. They are such good kids, it's really not a problem. I just wish I had more space. I may have to re-think the apartment thing when my lease is up in June.

Slept in yesterday. EFJ took her mom to a doctor's appointment, then did some running around. I encouraged EFJ to use the $20 she owed me, and take her to take her mom to lunch, and spend some time with her. I'm glad EFJ did. I know it was probably in her heart already, but I want to make sure the girls keep in contact and connected with their mom. It's important to me they have a good relationship with their mom.

I had lunch with my friend AW. She's such a sweety. She's got a boyfriend that she really likes, and I'm very happy for her. She seems to be much happier than she was a few weeks ago. I tried to pay for lunch but she nearly beat me down to keep me from paying, so I'll pick up the next one. I think we spent almost 2 hours talking about everything. I enjoy those types on conversations alot.

Later, CFJ asked if she could have some friends over, mainly to work on a school project. They actually DID work, quite a lot. It's a very good poster-board project on Mars. They should be proud of their work. It looks really good.

Then I took LMJ and CMJ to see Hidalgo. Good movie. We got home kinda late though. The movie ran until just about 11pm. I didn't realize the movie was as long as it was (2hr, 15mins), so we were out a little later than we anticipated. CMJ was whining on the way home, "Dad... it's past my bedtime...."

Incredible kids...

LMJ seems a little down lately. She says nothing's wrong, but I know better. It's just so hard to get her to open up and talk about her feelings. But that's OK, she will in her time. I think she's getting a little bit bored staying at my apartment, and is looking forward to switching in April and going back to mom's house. I hope she and her mom can find some time while she's there to connect, or I'm afraid Lindsey will choose to stay here full time. She's nearly 16, and I know her choice carries great weight in the matter.

Understand, I'd LOVE to have all my kids with my full time, because I get along with them great, and it just feels "right" when the kids are here. But that's just not the healthiest thing for them. I want them to have that good relationship with their mom, but I may have to make a choice soon between a less-healthy situation and more-healthy situation for my girls, even if both are imperfect. I don't think their mom would take it very well if they decided to live here full-time, either. I'm not sure how much effort she would put into re-building or maintaining a part-time relationship with the girls. Oh, well, I'm not gonna worry about it. Things will work themselves out. I'll just keep praying for wisdom and follow my heart.

Got up this morning and ran CLJ over to school with her project (kinda hard to take the poster-board thing on the bus), where she met her friend and took the thing into school. Beautiful morning right now. Thinking I might take a short drive to the hills again, take some more pics, while EFJ is out doing errands and goes school. She's doing independent study, and only goes one day a week, and she graduates in about 1 month.

Incredible kids.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Soooooo Tired

Friend of mine at church put on a concert last night. Mark Winter did a hours worth of original songs he'd written over the last several years. Really good job. He laid down all the background tracks in his home studio, and used an electronic gadget to do backup rythyms. Fine job, Mark. I had a great time.

Today was my workweek Friday. I'm pooped. Took LMJ shopping over at Nordstrom Rack. She thought it was like a thrift store! Found her a nice pair of pants for $15 though! The shoe section drove her nuts, and me a little bit, too, to be honest. Shoes were strewn everyplace, so I really don't blame her.

Got all my girls here tonight, along with EGJ's boyfriend. He's a good kid. Very quiet.

I'm off to bed. I'm sooooooooooooo tired.