Sunday, May 02, 2004

Melancholy Days

Yes, yes I'm still alive, if a bit neglectful of this. Troy, 5% and you have a deal.

I turn 40 next Thursday........ 40. That's Four-Oh. Four decades. 14,600 days. 350,400 hours. 21,024,000 minutes. And, yes, 1,261,440,000 seconds. Over a billion seconds.

I guess it's been on my mind. Not so much that 40 is a big deal. It's really not. I'm not tripping on being "old" (any comments on age will bring immediate and swift retribution). I've been 39 for a year. I think I can deal with the 24 hours that take me from 39 years and 364 days to the magic 40 years. I feel great.

But it's a milestone of sorts.

This entire year will be a milestone for me and my whole family. I turn 40, EFJ turns 18, LMJ turns 16, CLJ turns 13. I'll file my divorce and get it finished. My mom turns 75. Its odd how the numbers seem to line up some years.

So, turning 40 has been on my mind a bit. I was at work a few weeks ago, and made some comment about a guy I had to interact with, I forget where, but I mentioned that he was a 25 year old kid. Ryan perked his ears, chuckled at me and said, "Kid?" Point made.

It's funny when I look back 15-20 years ago, and think about where I was then and what I knew then, and contrast it against where I am now and what I know now. There's really no comparison. I wish there was some way for the 40 year old me to go back to 1989 and have a sit down with the 25 year old me and give him a little bit of wisdom from the future. Not that it would have done any good. I'd have done what I wanted to anyway, since I thought I knew freakin' EVERYTHING when I was 25. But then, didn't we all?

I guess that's what growing older is all about. Learning. Wisdom. Sore backs. Bunions.

And now, with EFJ turning 18 and seriously stretching her wings and itching to be out on her own, I find myself wanting to have that sit-down with her, knowing that if I did, it wouldn't do that much good. She's gonna learn lessons on her own, just like we all did, for the most part. I guess I do what my parents did when I was her age: pray a lot; be there when she needs to talk or needs help; kick her a$$ if she does something truly stupid; and love her no matter what.

Wow, that was old and meloncholy enough for 2 nights!

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