Friday, October 01, 2004

Beer Goggles

So it's October already. Dang! I kid you not, Christmas 2003 seems like it was, literally, just a few months ago. Summer's freakin' GONE! I'm dying here, folks.....

I had all my girls with me this week. I really enjoyed it, even if they all didn't. There were high points and low points for all of us. Bottom line for me is, I love having my girls with me. I would have them full time if for whatever unforseeable reason their mom didn't want to have them around (which I don't see happening, she's a pretty good mom; but you know, in my fantasy realm, things happen).

I love having them here, because life is so full when they are. Monday I had my friend Lisa and her family over for dinner (Camie and Lindsey talked and visited with Lisa's kids while she and I visited. See, family stuff like this is cool). Tuesday, Emily and I went to the movies (and it was GOOD... Aisha, fine, don't call me... I see how you Wednesday the kids and I went to church. Thursday, Lindsey and I watched the presidential debate. A great, full week.

But tonight is Friday. Sigh. I took Lindsey and Camie back to their mom's house. Emily is out with her boyfriend, and she'll head back to her mom's later, too. I stopped by the liquor store and bought a couple of beers that I'm gonna sip tonight, while I watch Stargate SG-1 reruns. Life without my children just isn't the same.

I know that some day, in the not too distant future, they are ALL going to be grown up. They're gonna have husbands and children of their own, and be far to busy to stop by dad's house every day, or even every week. I understand that. But at that point, it's different. That's the way things OUGHT to be. When my kids are young (13, 16, and 18), that's not the way it's supposed to be.

Divorce sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT whining about my marital status, or the fact that I'm not married to my kid's mom anymore. There was enough wrong with that relationship that I'm not mourning it's passing. Staying in it any longer would have been insane.

But it's clear to me now that a family is a unit, and when the unit breaks, no matter how well we do AFTER it breaks, the bottom line is.... it's still broken. For the girls, for me, for their mom... all the way around. Even the very BEST we can do as a broken unit, is less than the ideal of an intact, loving unit.

Ah well... that's my philosophy lesson for today. Perhaps it's the beer talking. More likely, it's the beer that's making me willing to write this down. At any rate, I'm looking forward to seeing my girls again. I love them all so very much.

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