I helped my x-wife and her boyfriend move Saturday. Yeah, yeah, I know... why am I helping the x- and her boyfriend? Because they asked for help the help, because I'm a nice guy and there's no good reason NOT to help, and in the interests of peace and family tranquility, it just seemed like the right thing to do. And especially because it helped my girls, who, of course, spend about 1/2 their time at their mom's, and have a ton of stuff, too.
And now I'm sore. LOL
Now, I was only in on one trip, where we loaded up most of the large furniture and beds and such into a 25-foot moving van. We had one other guy helping, a good friend of the boyfriend's, so the work went fast, and is was only about 4-1/2 hours worth of real "work", but man.... I'm feeling my age! I'm so sore today... not ultra-bad sore, but "I know I worked hard, and haven't work hard like that in a long time" sore.
Last night, after helping the boyfriend move a few more pieces of furniture into the house from the garage (where they were placed on Saturday night because we were to tired to move them all the way into the house!), everyone jumped into the swimmin' hole they have in their new backyard, and the boyfriend cooked up some burgers and hot-dogs. I was invited to stay, as a way of telling me thank you.
I have to say, it was a bit surreal swimming with my kids, the x- and her boyfriend, all talking, playing with the dogs, etc. We had some good conversation over dinner, and I stayed until about 9pm. Had a good time.
People keep asking me, when are you going to finish the divorce? I tell them, life is peaceful right now, and it's no skin off my nose to let things lay as they are right now. My x- and I can talk when we need to without being angry. We can discuss the kids and we still see pretty much eye-to-eye on parenting issues. Her boyfriend and I get along pretty well, and there's no uncomfortableness with him like there sure COULD be, ya know? I wouldn't say we're good friends, but I like him a lot. Any other situation, he and I probably could be pretty good friends.
And, the biggest reason, the kids are at peace. Mom and dad aren't fighting. Both parents are pretty happy where they are. There's no power struggle, no tugging at the kids to chose one over the other.
Life is fairly peaceful. Why would I want to change that right now? There's plenty of time to deal with divorce issues later, as I know we eventually will. But for now... I'm feeling my age. Along with the soreness, I think, comes a little bit of wisdom. Long term, I think the x- and I will get a divorce when it's least painful to everyone involved, and causes the least upheaval. Long term, aside from the monetary issues (retirement, child support, yada-yada) which everyone always brings up, I think this is the wisest route.
Money can be made and lost in a day, and there's always more money to be made.
Relationships with one's kids and others who are in one's life, for better or worse, can be broken in a day, and there's not always a chance to make them over again.